It's not bad to fall In love or was it?
by parkourmaster07
Summary: Being in love and being hurt is something that Hijikata did not know, that is until he met a certain perm bastard who made him feel all these confusing emotions. For three years Hijikata had hidden what he really felt for Gintoki until what chances left he got was stolen away by the person who he also cherished more than anything, but is he willing to sacrifice for their happiness?
1. Chapter 1

Hijikata Toshirou had sacrificed a lot for the people that he valued the most, but he didn't mind that as long as those people are happy and safe he can manage, he can be contented and happy. Its not a big deal for him of course the years of hardship and agony he went through during his childhood had shaped him to what he was now, strong, determined, responsible and brave. Though those attributes helped him to survive this harsh reality those are also the reason why he was mostly isolated and alone, he doesn't trust anyone aside from his older brother and his other younger brother. His world revolved around the both of them alone, so when his older brother died when he was 16 and only him and his younger brother was left, he immediately started thinking what will happen to them, his other brother was also ill and the medications are a little expensive and they didn't have any relatives in Edo. During those times he started looking for work, after school he goes to the police station to where his brother was previously working, luckily they hired him as an errand boy, cleaning the station, shredding the paper and sometimes delivering anything those cops' wants. But he was content with the work, the cops were also teaching him about a thing or two in their line of work which made him decide one thing.

He will be a cop

But the salary wasn't enough for both of them, considering the medications and all, they are lucky the house that their brother Tamegoro owed was also named on them so he didn't have to worry about rent or shit like that but he knew the money was not enough so after the championship game of baseball he told their coach that he would quit playing the game that he loved, he won't be able to attend on practice and handling two jobs required more time, so after school he goes to the station and later on his second job a waiter on a small café that opens at night. All in all his days are tiring but it gets blown away when he sees the dinner that was already prepared when he gets home, those dishes that was drenched with Mayonnaise makes him remember what his reason for working this hard.

It was the same routine, go to school, learn, meeting with student council, go to work, go home, sleep and the process repeating again and again, it was his every days and he can't help but jealous a bit when he sees those three friends talking and sharing amused laughs, well he do have friends. Kondo and Sougo but he wasn't sure about the latter who seemed to hate him as much as he can tell yeah. But ever since his brother died he had no time to come along with them and was focused on his work and school. Now this everyday routine was nothing new to him that's until he met a stupid perm asshole named Sakata Gintoki who broke his routine. The first time they met they both got a black eye a swelling cheek and split lip scratches and bruises, and also a detention that almost led to suspension for punching the guidance counselor. He already forgotten what they fought about but he knew he was the one who threw the first swing, something about this guy just makes him loose control and he hated it. The worst part was on his second year they became classmates and to even worsen the worst situation they are seatmate, HIjikata was truly furious and the other male seemed to enjoy grinding his gears, pushing his buttons and there will be no day that they wont fight that it had became a norm in the room.

It was around mid October when everything slowly started to change, he was walking home after buying his brother's medicine when he saw a girl from his school judging from her uniform and immediately identified it. It was the China girl, Kagura his classmate who came from china and studied here after his dad was reassigned here on his work.. observing the situation he looked at the group of guys that was dragging her towards a secluded alley and it wasn't Hijikata's position to probe into it but he cant just walk away so he slowly followed and realized what was happening. It was a gang dispute between his school and other school, apparently Kagura's brother Kamui if he remembered the name correctly was leading a gang in his school and was rumored to be one of the strongest, and this other school probably used China for threatening and bargain. But unfortunately the older brother had said "I don't care what you do to her.. I don't need weak people around me" with a sick smile and it angered Hijikata as he clenched his fist, one of the guy holding China was so angry for using her and deemed useless raised his bat down to the girl and Hijikata was ready to sprint forwards but a flying bokken went past him and straight to the man holding the bat. Hijikata looked to the left behind Kamui was GIntoki.

"Oi, oi using a girl as bait how weak are you? And a brother who doesn't give two shits about his sister, how disgusting are you?"

"Gin-chan!"

HIjikata heard the yell and blinked as he walked pass Kamui and his usually dead fish eyes shone with anger towards the smiling male, he almost forgot that Kagura and Gintoki along with that Megane boy was always together. The next thing Hijikata saw was Gintoki beating the shit out of those guys and Kamui leaving the area only to observe from afar as a new set of groups from different schools had gathered and Gintoki took them all but when Hijikata saw a knife aimed to the perm he sprint picked up the boken and swung it to the man, Gintoki seemed to be utterly surprised but pressed his back on Hijikata,. Kagura had ran away to call the police.

"Oh.. Oogushi-kun I thought you just gonna watch all day"

"tch, I was supposed too but it seems you have trouble beating these bastards … what? Feeling grateful im helpin?"

"pfft.. I can handle them all by myself I can even handle you, remember I beat you up be—ghwagh!" Hijikata raised his fist after punching the perm on the jaw and they all stood there in confusion and Gintoki blinked. "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR?!"

"QUIT BITCHIN' ABOUT THAT FIGHT IT IRRITATES ME!"

"IT IRRITATES YOU BECAUSE YOU LOSE FAIR AND SQUARE! WHAT CAN'T ACCEPT DEFEAT HUUUH?!"

"SHUT UP!" Hijikata yelled as he swung his fist but it went on the side of Gintoki's head knocking the person that was sneaking for attack he pushed the perm away "Ill deal with you later!" and that was the first fight that they both helped and protect eachother's back, it was almost over when the cops arrived, and everything was settled then. After that fight Hijikata realized that Gintoki isn't that bad, he came there for Kagura and when you look at it closely he was really.. something. Hijikata saw him giving his lunch on the homeless kid once, saw how he helped everyone in the room even though he complains but he still do even people he didn't know, no wonder he was known in the school nicknamed him as Yorozuya, some people pay him some don't and he was cool with it. They still argue over petty things but that's really normal.

it was then that Christmas when they are giving the presents for the people they picked that things escalated differntly. Hijikata had gotten Shinpachi's name on the paper he draw and gave him a Otsu merchandise luckily his brother was into those stuff that it became easy to pick out for a gift. He was a bit uneasy to find out who picked his name as he stood awkwardly on the middle of the class since they have to open it and show what they got after the sender explained why he gave that gift and blabla.. he waited until he heard a chair scrapping and his eyes widen.

Gintoki… was the one who got his name.

No wonder the bastard was laughing when they draw names on that basket! He gulped and glared at the perm as he stood beside Hijikata and the students laughed in irony of all people to pick up it were his name. blinking he heard GIntoki clear his throat as he showed small box and handed it to Hijikata non to gently, he practically shoved the thing on his chest and Hijikata scowled as he held it.

"Alright.. I really cant think of anything to give to the bastard, I was planning not giving anything at all but since Gin-san is so kind I had bought something. I bought this thinking that maybe this is what Hijikata-kun needs to cool down that high temper of his, something that could help him relax" he smirked and Hijikata instantly knew he was screwed and refused to open the box, but his teacher and his classmates was urging him and shouting "unfair! Unfair" so with gritting teeth he opened the box and looked at the contents blinking a bit before he finally realized what was the content, he was gripping the box so tightly he was shaking with anger and embarrassment as his classmates laugher filled the room and his face burned red in deep anger and humiliation he was seething and threw the box towards the perm spilling the contents which was condoms and a lube.

"YOU FUCKER! I WIL L KILL YOU DAMN STUPID BASTARD TRASH PERM!" he yelled as he chased after Gintoki that was laughing, the rest of his Christmas party ended up chasing Gintoki and beating him up until they flopped on the garden of the school panting. Gintoki was still laughing as he sat up with a black eye. "You really… ppfft anyways that was a joke"

"JOKE MY ASS! DO YOU HAVE ANY ID—" he stopped as he saw Gintoki extended his arms, his close fist was on his front and Hijikata opened his palm only to receive a small replica of the bottle of Mayonnaise he loved. It was a lighter.

"It was so easy to know what to give you but its hard to find it, I mean seriously you have no idea how I acquired that so you better not destroy it you ass"

HIjikata was at loss for words as he looked at the lighter and was about to say something and looked at the perm only to see him smiling at him and at that moment Hijikata realized something.

He was screwed.

He tripped.

He stumbled.

And he fell.

Hard and fast.

There and then.

He immediately stood up and glanced at the other as he held the lighter a small shade of red was on the tips of his ears as he muttered a small "thanks" and ran, he ran and ran to calm his heart that was beating so loudly. He shook his head as he tried to deny these feelings; he had no time for this! Why is he even feeling this?! How did it even happen?! He stopped as he reached outside the gate and looked at the lighter as he bit his bottom lip.

It was the start of January that Hijikata still refused and denied and did not acknowledged these feelings for Gintoki but as the days dragged by instead of lessening it even became stronger and harder, he started noticing things that he did not notice before, the way Gintoki laughs or pout, when he is upset or sleeping. Even the smallest gesture like picking his ear or nose which was unsanitary really but Hijikata did not mind anymore, when he drummed his finger on the table for not understanding the teacher, a scratch of head. GOD DAMN IT! Hijikata buried his face on his text book as he as he sulked. Is this it? The one that was on the books he read 'you will see a different world when you are in love'?! Because fuck! it was happening! Everything seemed to sparkle like shit and he can hear happy tunes along with the wind that wasn't there before, sometimes he can catch himself smiling a bit and he would be creeped out with himself because he doesn't smile! He was turned into a complete mess and even at work! work seemed less tiring and even his brother noticed this change of behavior saying he was such in a fine mood these past few weeks and would tease him if he already had a girlfriend or what. He raised his head and looked t the board before glancing at Gintoki that was staring at him and he felt the tip of his ear heat but maintained the scowl on his face. "What?!"

"Do you only have one setting on your face?"

"Ha?"

"Your frown…" GIntoki gestured at his own face "You frown a lot, Ive never seen you make any other expressions except from scowling or angry, do you even smile?"

"… its nothing to do with you!" he hissed and returned to look at the board as he frowned, glancing at Gintoki who seemed to focused on his notes now and Hijikata sighed. What Gintoki told him bothered him deeply, its not like he can't smile but he just chose not too… he cant even remember the last time that he had laughed wholeheartedly or smile without forcing himself to do so like what he usually does when he greets his brother, but lately this feelings are slowly started to swallow back the darkness he casted on himself and he was glad for it. Maybe it wasn't that bad to finally accept it, to just simply be swept away and not think at all, he glanced at the perm beside him that was slowly nodding to sleep and a small twitch of his lips he smiled and returned to look at the board.

Its not that bad… to fall in love.

It was their last year in school that Hijikata stopped by the roof top and puffed a smoke from his cigarette, his other hand holding the mayonnaise lighter as he looked down and saw Gintoki playing badminton with yamazaki and his crew eating under the tree, Kondo already graduated last year and Sougo had started hanging out with the yorozuya trio. Nothing much had changed, his relationship with Gintoki still the same, and they are still on the same class for three years and his feelings … still stayed the same. He cant count how many times he attempted to confess or be friends with Gintoki, but the fear of rejection made him bite his tongue back, made him step back. What if he confessed and Gintoki would be disgusted? Would he stay away ? would he even look at him? What if he was cool with it? Hijikata was full of doubts that he had spent his three years only looking and glancing at the man he love, but he was contented with that, it made him happy and that's okay.. it doesn't matter he would just remember it, cherish those moments even those arguments that they make, he will hold on them. He looked at the Mayonnaise lighter before blinking as he his phone rang, stubbing his cigarette and pocketing his lighter he picked up his phone and received a call from his brother's school and his eyes widen as he sprinted out of the roof top and out of the campus without any consent as he climbed the gates, who fuckin cares his brother had fainted again which is happening regularly. As he arrived on his school he immediately went to the nurse office and saw him lying on one of the bed and rushed to his side.

"Tosshi!"

On the bed was his brother…. His twin brother Tosshi, he was the younger between them and the one that is sick, he was very ill when they were kids and mostly stayed inside his room, the treatment on his was effective but later on just five years ago it started showing up again and it seemed to worsen. They decided to go to different schools to avoid confusion from people around them since they do look very much alike.

After the incident Hijikata decided its best to transfer Tosshi on his school so he could look after him at the same time can guide him around and he will be there when something happened, but this decision was maybe… one thing that Hijikata regretted, for what was about to happen had him unprepared when Tosshi and Gintoki met.

It was the end of August when Tosshi and Gintoki first met, Hijikata saw them on the hallways and Gintoki had this smug look on his face while backing Tosshi on the lockers who was already on the verge of crying before he spotted Hijikata and ran towards him. "Shirou!" he called out and hid behind him as he pointed at the perm "That guy is harassing me! I daresay! " Hijikata glared at Gintoki who looked so dumbfounded staring at the two of them as he pointed and face palmed.

"Christ! One Oogushi-kun is enough now you are adding one here? Oi, oi luckily that other one is more approachable"

"Fuck off bastard! Don't make fun of him!" he glared and dragged his brother out of the hallway, everybody was still shocked to find out he had a twin brother and specially the two of them are so different in every way. Tosshi was a fluff ball, friendly, approachable and talkative, he was a hyper and easily blend in to any crowd you put him in compared to him so the way people can tell them apart is their expressions. If you see a frowning one it was Toshirou and if you see a giddy one it was Tosshi, that's all you need. As they walked he glanced at Gintoki that was still looking at them and he returned his attention at Tosshi.

"Stay away from that bastard, he will make fun of you so get away from him" that was an honest warning of course knowing Gintoki but on the back of his mind there is this small voice that was nagging him, telling him that the two should not meet, that they should not be acquainted at all. Tosshi gave him a questioning look but didn't nod or shook his head and just followed him on the halls.

But that honest warning became a real warning and alarming on Hijikata as he saw the two eating on the cafeteria during break, he was up to smoke and when he came looking for his brother he paused on the doorway as he saw them discussing about JUMP since there was a open volume on their table and they seemed to have fun together that Hijikata was stoned on his feet, Gintoki was laughing as he pointed at the book and Tosshi seemed to get his point as he laughed as well, he clenched his fist when he saw Tosshi looking at him and waving towards him, Gintoki looked at him as well with his usual dead stare and he frowned turned his back away and left. He went back to the room and sat looking outside the window, that was nothing… it was nothing yes there nothing to be concerned about, they have the same interest so it was natural yes . but seeing them, he cant help but imagine for a momet that it was him on Tosshi's place but that would be impossible, blinking he saw Tosshi and Gintoki came inside the room and Tosshi went sat on his seat which was across him from the front. "Shirou! Why did you leave! I called for you"

"I wanted to go back early is all "

"Leave him be, he probably is doing his frowning ritual to scare everyone" Gintoki teased and Tosshi pouted as he reprimanded him.

"Sakata-shi! That's so mean quit it, I daresay!"

"WHAT DID YOU SAY ASSHOLE!?" Hijikata quickly lunge at the perm and so it Gintoki who had a grin on his face before Tosshi joined in and placed himself between the two and tried to stop them "Stop it! Both of you are making some ruckus already! Sakata-shi! Shirou!"

They both parted from each other, Hijikata scowling and Gintoki grinning as he crossed his arms as he sat back on his seat. HIjikata did the same and Tosshi sighed in relief as he continued to babble about the latest issue of JUMP which Gintoki immediately answered and Hijkata looked out the window closed his eyes as he tried to ignore them. Days had passed and Tosshi's attack of troubled breathing and fainting happens during home or when they are together which was good, he didn't want him suffer anymore or worry the new friends that he made in this school he also requested not to spread the fact he was ill, he didn't want them to back away from him or treat him differently, but as days goes by Hijikata noticed that Tosshi is getting more close with Gintoki, to the point they go to breaks together since Hijiakata used the break as time to go up the rooftop and smoke but everytime he gets back he would see them together, Hijikata was starting to feel the small twinge of jealousy eat him up as he continued to observe them carefully even listened to Tosshi when he starts to talk about Gintoki when they walked back home and he seemed so very happy about that all Hijikata could do is grunt and nod as he listened trying to route his words to his right ear and past his left ear. As much as he hated hearing about what they are talking about Hijikata cant help but pay attention to some details as well like how Tosshi had said that Gintoki likes anything that had the flavor of strawberry which was a new information too him, he knew that he likes sweets but what Tosshi had told it was insane how he finished the super bowl of parfait. With this stories he had learmed more stuff about Gintoki he didn't know before and even though they seemed to be a good thing he was still doubtful about it. Because he can tell... He can see that there is something more between the two that he refuses to acknowledge, that he wanted to shrug off but no.. He knew, yes he knew soon something will happen, something so big he might break down.

Came November ...

Came December...

And it was the end of January when Hijikata was on the rooftop to smoke but was already heading down because he forgot his secret stash of cigarette on his locker and went back to retrieve it since he was so pissed this morning after a banter with Gintoki. sighing he reached his locker and went to grab two sticks of the nicotine that he liked the most and closed it. pocketing the cigarettes he was about to round the corner when he stopped on his tracks and his eyes widen at what he saw, this is not right, this should not be happening .. Hijikata felt like a cold water was poured over his entire being as he stood there on the hallway and saw his brother being hugged tightly by the man that he loved, and what hurts the most is his brother returned the hug as tightly as he could as he nuzzled into him. Hijikata suddenly took a step back and went to hide behind the lockers on his side as he leaned into it looking down as he clenched his fist and gritted his teeth, scolding himself not to cry as he glared at the ground, but pretending as he could his emotions break through him as he slid down the lockers and clutched his hair, trying to calm himself he stood up and ran but stopped as he almost collided with tge person he did not want to see at the moment. His eyes widen as he saw Gintoki who also looked at him with wide eyes, probably because of his glassy eyes as tears is threatening to escape.

"You... " he did not finish his words as Hijikata pushed pass him but stopped when a hand grabbed his arm to halt him.

"Oi! Wh-"

"LET GO OF ME! " he snarled and shrugged of his hold as he ran back to the roof top and leaned on the door after he bursting out and slid down as he started to sob. Fuckin feelings! Fuckin love! Fuckin heartbreaks! Its so damn frustrating, his chest hurts and he hated this feeling. It just.. Its..

"fuck! " he hissed and shakily lit a cigarette as he smoked.

He did not return to class after that, he cant bear it, he needed to calm down.

Laughing noises filled the round table as Sougo, Tosshi, Gintoki Otae and kondo was sharing on the same table while they are on lunch, he was seated beside Tosshi that was sitting next to Gintoki, beside him was Kondo and they were talking about a television show. Hijikata is not certain what it was he was just focusing on his food and glancing to the couple beside him from time to time, yes they were a couple, Tosshi had informed him last week when he saw them on the locker. He was just nodding at him as he told the stories and said he was not interested. Looking at them he blinked as he realized he had been starring at them for too long so he averted his gaze but just in time too meet Sougo's stare that was sitting next to gintoki, he was looking at Hijikata with pity as he shook his head and the raven haired male glared at him, Sougo immidiately smirked as if he did not make such look.

"What is wrong Hijikata-san? You keep on glaring like that, are you on your period"

Hijikata scowled "I dont have time to deal with your shits now Sougo" he hissed and stood up to leave and the group looked at him as he left, normally Sougo would get into an argument now but lately Hijikata seemed distant to them that they sometimes frequently see him in school, he skips classes and doesn't talk much to them. of course Hijikata did that in purpose he was still adjusting to see them together it still hurts like shit and he did not want to feel that way anymore, if there is only an easy way to remove all these feelings. but no it has to be such a huge pain in the ass to deal with everyday, thinking how would it feel if he was on Tosshi's position now. for all the pent up frustration and hiding his feelings for three years and seeing them like that.. actually he would not mind at all, he did not confessed so he had no rights to bitch about the situation he was in, it was okay.. it is... if only it was not Tosshi. if it was just one of Gintoki's admirers or some random woman and .. man, to think Gintoki was interested with men after all, if only he knew then maybe he could have confessed, yeah right if only he knew.. he did not even put an effort into talking with the man, he was such a fool by thinking secret glances and small interactions are enough, what a big slap to him.

Hijikata did all he could to distract himself, he studied, work, study, work. basically thats all he was doing, refusing any offers of going out with Kondo, with Tosshi or with anyone, excusing that he was busy, he got three jobs to maintain just so he can focus on it rather than seeing Tosshi ang Gintoki. of course the group had noticed this and started asking if he was okay, which he would reply as 'yes im fine' he excused that he need more money for Tosshi's medications and he knew that it was a pathetic excuse to use Tosshi's sickness for it and he knew that Tosshi had been worried about him and he knew he was such an ass for giving him a cold shoulder lately.

it was mid February when Hijikata's shift on the cafe ended early than usual, he was on a night shift and the boss closed the shop since his wife is on labor. it was 11:38 pm and his shift supposed to be finished at 1:00 am, he wanted to sleep early since there was an exam tomorrow. Upon opening the door he walked inside the house and frowned as he saw Tosshi still awake on the living room re watching his favorite anime, the sound of Tomoe as she fought was the only thing that can be heard on the silent living room until Hijikata broke it.

"Why are you still awake? its late, 's not good for your health"

Tosshi looked at him with a small pout before standing and pointed at the kitchen.

"i made a dinner for you, its cold but i can reheat it, I daresay"

"no need, im going to be bed and you should as well" Hijikata turned and was about to go upstairs but was stopped by the call of his name.

"Toushiro.."

Hijikata stopped and blinked, Tosshi rarely called him by his full name and lost his catch phrase and speech pattern, they did all the changes so people can recognize who is who.

"Are you angry at me?"

"No.'

"Did I do something to you?"

"No."

"Do you have a problem with me?"

"No."

"Then why are you being so cold to me? i rarely see you at school, i dont see you at home! its so lonely.. i go home and leave the house without you. i daresay"

"I dont wanna discuss this further, just go and rest" Hijikata continued to walk upstairs but Tosshi's hurried footsteps followed and his arm was yanked.

"NO! tell me whats wrong! i know something is bothering you! i can feel it, it hurts! just i dont know.. maybe its that thing twins have.. you know.. connection. when i get sick before you do too as well, and when im in pain you know it too. when you are happy i can feel that too! .. so Toushiro tell me.. tell me whats bothering you"

"stop..just, not now.. i dont need this now Tosshi.. please just.."

"No! we need to discuss this now! i dont want to see you hurt like this, i .."

Hijikata looked down as he gripped the wooden railing of the stairs as he listened to Tosshi, he did not need this, not now, he was tired, pissed . mixed feelings and he did not want to snap now, but the way Tosshi was pushing things now is..

".. you were okay before, it was just same as usual, so just tell me Toushiro, is it about school? my medications? .."

"no..just stop.."

".. am i a burden already? do i stress you? or.. this is about Gintoki?"

the small flinch and body language that Hijiikata made did not escaped Tosshi's eyes as he noticed, the look of being caught.

"So its about Gintoki.. why? do you hate him? we arent doing anything i swear, cant you accept us? Toushiro tell me! i am not talking to wall am i!?whats wrong with Gintoki?! whats wrong with me being with him? do you hate it that much you are avoiding me?! Toushiro tell me wh-"

"YES! I HATE IT! I HATE IT SO MUCH IT BURNS MY EYES SEEING THE BOTH OF YOU! " _Damn..._ Hijikata thought as he snapped, his mouth wont stop talking and Tosshi was adding a fuel to his fire by answering back.

"Why the hell are you so against it! he is nice! you dont just ignore me just because you dont like who my lover is! you are being childish! "

"Shut up! you have no idea why! so dont! "

"Then why dont you tell me?!tell me why you hate that i am with Gintoki now that you are acting like this! tell me why so i would know! tell me why cant you accept i-"

" _BECAUSE I LOVE HIM!"_

two pairs of blue orbs widened, the brighter shade started wavering while the steel blue one remained firm.

"Toushiro I.. "

"Are you happy now?! the reason why i cant accept it, i cant bear to be with you and everyone, the reason why i wanna be byself until i cant feel anything when i see you both, i wanna be happy for you, i really do.. but i cant. i cant.. you always .. always .. everything ,, anyone. you are always the best , the nice one, everyone likes you.. you get all the credits, you are good at anything you do.. you get a lot of friends . i dont really mind.. " Hijikata gritted his teeth as he looked down and continued, he spilled his emotions and and everything that was on his heart, he never did confined nor tell all of this to anyone, he relies to himself alone and took all responsibilities. "... i thought it was okay, you get all the attention, the praises and whatever.. i dont really need them but then.. when you and the perm.. i thought its okay, it will be fine , just like the rest i have no need of it so i should never mind, but its.. i cant, it hurts so much seeing you together with him thinking that maybe i could be in your position instead, if i had known falling in love can be this hurtful i should have stopped it.. maybe its better if i had your sickness instead, no one would care if i- " _SLAP!_

Hijikata felt rather saw the slap that Tosshi made, the sound echoed in the apartment as he stared in Tosshi in belief, his cheek was red and Tosshi was on the verge of crying already.

"D-dont say something like that! i.. " he frowned and looked at the other male before storming pass him and went to his room, the loud slamming of the door echoed on the house and Hijikata clenched his fist before running back on the opposite direction and out of the house. running out without any direction to ease his mind.  
he should have not said that, he should have just kept it to himself. he is such an idiot! he ran and ran until he found himself on the park, slumping on one of the benches he covered his face with his hands as he groaned and grabbed his hair.  
he should have a better control of himself, shouting like that to Tosshi when it was not his fault and saying those awful things, he is such a bastard.

"Damn!"

he hissed and stood up he bought a cup of coffee and sighed, calming himself as he walked back home, he should really apologize.

he did not know how long he was standing on the doorway as he frowned, clutching the doorknob he went in and slowly made his way upstairs and knocked on his brother's room.

"Tosshi?"

No answer.

he knocked again harder this time before deciding to peek into the room, opening it he peeked inside the room and saw a bundle form on the bed, he scanned the area and sighed, how stupid it was already late course he will be asleep, he was about to close the door but paused and open it again, squinting at the table on the far end of the room his eyes widen.

Gone...

The limited Edition of Tomoe Figure that was supposed to be encased on the glass case is gone.. which means. turning the lights on he went to the bed grabbed the blanket and what he was was a Tomoe Dakikamura. he walked to the bathroom in panic. "Tosshi!" he called and opened the dresser only to see that there was less of clothes and re arranged stuff, like someone hurriedly packed.

then... did he.. ran away?!


	2. Chapter 2

Bzzz...

BBzzzz...

BBzzzzz...

"ngh...:"

Gintoki reached out for his phone and shoved it under the pillow, he did not bother turning off the alarm knowing that it will die down soon, but much to his annoyance the vibration and endless buzzing did not stop, which made him grab unto it and squinted at the screen illuminated on his face.

2:08 AM

Gintoki blinked, he was sure as hell he set the alarm at 6:00 AM, the vibration continued until he realized that it was actually a phone call, blinking he rolled on the side and stared at the unknown number, who ever this fucker is, he will beat the shit out of him tomorrow. he swiped and answered the call but before he could burst at the person on the other line a loud booming voice welcomed him.

"Tell Tosshi i will pick him up!"

"ha?"

"Dont 'ha' me! i said tell him i will pick him up! hand the phone over to him bastard!"

"...eh.. Ougu- ah Hijikata-kun?" Gintoki now was confused as he stared at the ceiling of his room, why the hell is Hijikata calling him and whats about Tosshi?

"Yes! you twat! dont hide Tosshi from me i will kill you!"

"What?! im having a beauty rest here and you call me this time of the day to yell profanities on my ear, talk about manners oi.. and Tosshi is not here.. hey are you panting?" he can hear Hijikata's ragged breathing on the other line which made him confused even more.

"... he aint there?"

"yeah.. wait what is going on?"

".. nothin" came a short reply and Gintoki furrowed his brows as he glanced at his phone

"Bullshit.. whats going on oi!? tell me. is it about Tosshi? what happened?"

"Its none of your business .."

"Another bullshit! of course it is! he is my business as well! " he blinked as he heard a crash on the other line "oi you okay.."

".. 'm fine sorry for yelling"

"tell me whats going on oi!"

"... Tosshi, he.. he is not home, i cant find him, i .. "

"Where are you now?" Gintoki suddenly found himself up and awake as he threw on some jeans and shirt and a jacket "ill come and see you, stay where you are"

Gintoki arrived at the park at 2:37 AM there are few people around and he immediately saw Hijikata sitting on the bench phone in hand, probably contacting Tosshi's friends, he can see the worry written all over his face as he approached him. "oi"

Hijikata looked up and blinked as he saw Gintoki approaching him, he sighed and continued to fiddle on his phone.

"What happened?"

"We fought. i said things..."

Gintoki looked at the other male as he scratched his head, Hijikata looked really depressed and he knew something was up with the guy since a couple of weeks ago, he rarely joins them or talk to him, and even if he tried to piss the other off, he rarely argues back, he kinda... missed it, the bantering and the arguing.

"mm.. what you two fought about? you two seemed to be so close to fought on something.. that he even left must be big huh?" Gintoki commented and blinked as he froze for a moment at the stare that Hijikata gave him, it was cold, sad.. mixed of emotions in those blue orbs before he looked away.

"Not important" he muttered before standing up and started walking "i called some of his friends but it seems he did not went there.. i tried to think of the possibilities as to where he might go.. but, tch damn it!" he groaned again and started to walk as he sighed. Gintoki observed him carefully as they walked, he had never seen Hijikata this distressed before and it bothered Gintoki a bit, well sure its a family dispute that he should not get involve too.

Gintoki halted as Hijikata stopped he almost collided with the bastard who was still looking at his phone, Gintoki was also doing the same contacting few people he knew that Tosshi talks to at the school. "Oi say something when you stop walking like that!" blinking he peeked through Hijikata's shoulder and frowned, he can practically see the could of depression hanging above him.

"Look here oi, think of someone that Tosshi knows a lot and would be the first person he can approach too?"

"... Kondo" Hijikata muttered before shaking his head "No, he would know i will figure out he was there besides i already called Kondo and he said that he did not hear from him"

"Anyone aside from Kondo? like a person he knew you wont bother to call or think that he was there, like someone he is friend with that you hate like So-' he stopped and Hijikata looked at him with wide eyes and so was he as the person's name popped through their head.

"SOUGO!"  
"SOUICHIRO!"

Hijikata immediately fished his phone, true Hijikata must have not contacted Sougo all this time knowing the relationship between the two. and suddenly as if on cue, as if Okita had some paranormal psychic powers Hijikata's phone buzzed as an incoming call from Okita was on the screen, Hijikata without hesitation answered the call.

"Sougo!"

"calm down Hijiakata.. Tosshi is here, he is asleep already after crying for hours.. sheesh i need a payment for baby sitting your brother, it took all my will power not to hit him since you really do look like him"

Sougo's voice echoes on the receiver as Gintoki pressed his ear on the other's phone as two of them listened.

"you!..." Hijikata sighed, a very deep and long sigh of relief as he rubbed his forehead. "ill pick him up tomorrow"

"No, he refused.. he said he will stay here for the time being"

"tch .. just ..- "

"OI make sure not to harass him Soichirou!"

The line went silent for a while and Gintoki thought that it disconnected until he spoke again

"...So Boss is with you huh?"

"Well the bastard started screaming in my phone to return his brother , its worse than having the battle cry of Hiroshima as an alarm clock at 2 am in the morning" Gintoki interjected and Hijikata keeps pushing him away from the phone.

"Okay.. ill just call tomorrow, as long as i know where he is thats good"

"Alright and oh Hijikata... you are such a bastard"

and with that the line went dead, Gintoki saw Hijikata pocketing his mobile and grabbed a cigarette on his pocket as he smoked. "you can go home now, sorry for disturbing you " and with that he started to walk away but for some reason Gintoki reached out and grabbed his wrist stopping him.

what the hell?!

He thought as he stared at Hijikata who looked at him confused, now Gintoki is questioning himself as to why he stopped him. he wanted to ask him, ever since he saw him on the lockers a month ago, the look on his face that day is still lingering on his mind and he wanted to know why... but he just stared at him.

"What?"

Gintoki slowly looked at him and smiled "Dont worry, he will be fine there , stop frowning too much oi, he is safe " Gintoki blinked as Hijikata yanked his hand away and started walking away in a fast pace.

IDIOT!

THAT FUCKIN! GOD DAMN STUPID PERM!

Hijikata hissed as he walked away, he wont deny that his heart did a weird flip when he smiled at him earlier. what the fuck is this bastard doing to him, when he was supposed to be trying to forget about the perm and here he was just held his wrist and fuckin smiled at him and like a hard slap in the face he was back with this stupid feelings again.

At least now he knew that Tosshi is safe and that what matters, he and Sougo might be in a bad terms but his brother and that sadist is actually good friends. he ran his hand on his hair as he walked inside their house and he flopped on the couch and sighed as he slowly fell asleep.

The next morning the tension between the Hijikata twins was so strong that most people in the room noticed it, Hijikata was pissy, scratch pissy.. he was a ticking bomb. Tosshi on the other hand is still the same except he was not talking to his brother and vice versa. Hijikata now found himself seated on their usual seat at the cafeteria, he was not supposed to be here but Kondo had dragged him out before he can escape. the tension was so strong that neither talked, the table was silent and everyone was waiting for someone who would break the ice and that happened to be Kondo.

"W-well the exam was such struggle how did you guys got by?"

"Just okay, not that easy not that hard either" Sougo answered as he sipped his soda and started munching his burger, Gintoki cleared his throat and smirked.

"Well, be surprised or not im quite confident with my score"

Hijikata snorted and grabbed his Mayonnaise covered toast and ate.

"What are you snorting about Mayo price?!"

"The hell you callin' Mayo prince you sugar freak!"

"Dont be jealous because Gin-san had been pretty confident on his exam results, oi oi wanna bet huh? " Gintoki taunted as he leaned on the counter towards Hijikata.

"Boss are you sure about that? Hijikata here did not rank as the top lister just cause he was sucking a bottle of mayonnaise a day.. or was he?"

"What the fuck did y-"

"now now Ougushi-kun calm down your veins are about to explode"

"Do you wanna start a fight assho-"

He was again cut off when a loud screeching was heard, Tosshi stood up and looked at them before Kondo stood up as well and groped his crotch as he excused himself. "bathroom, bathroom" he chanted and dashed out of the cafeteria their attention when back to Tosshi.

"The crepe is really good, I daresay! who wants some?"

"i want seconds! " Gintoki proclaimed

"Kondo said earlier he wanted one too.. ah let me try that as well" Sougo said as he set his soda down and lazily flipped his phone open.

"Okay! four orders then, I daresay" he nodded, completely disregarding Hijikata.

"let me help you with that" Gintoki stood up and escorted Tosshi towards the crepe stand on the cafeteria, the two walked side by side and was talking, Tosshi giggling at something that Gintoki whispered on him and Hijikata stared at them as they walked away. no matter how Hijikata look at them, they look so perfect and so compatible, the bubble of jealousy is starting to eat him again as he stared at them, longing, trying to reach out but he knew he and Gintoki will never be together, they always clash, argue, bicker, he was not even sure if Gintoki considered him a friend when they did not even get to talk to eachother without any fist involve, except last night.

"Hijikata your eyes is goin to budge out" Sougo said not sparing a single glance at him as he continued to keep texting, Hijikata frowned and was about to counter 'am not' but he realized Sougo might already knew the reason of their fight, Tosshi must have said something. he was weighing his options, he knew just one word he could say will be a fatal grave when he was talking with this rascal.

"If you are wondering if i knew the reason why you two fought, my answer would be yes"

Hijikata flinched and looked away as he stared at the empty can of coke was the most amazing thing that he ever saw. he can feel Sougo's burning gaze on his head and he refused to look at him of all people to know why him?! Tosshi should have went to his other friends and yap about this.

"And to clear things from you, Tosshi did not say anything to me at all, i already knew about your love sickness towards Boss"

Hijiakata looked at him with wide eyes as he blinked, how the fuck did this rascal even knew about that!?

"whats with the shock expression Hijikata? it was like really obvious you had a thing for boss. you look like a love struck girl when you are looking at him in far distance. "

"What the fuck thats creepy!"

"Do you think of Boss when you masturba-" Sougo did not finish his sentence as a hand was slapped over his mouth, Hijikata's hand and his face was crossing beyond embarrassment and anger, Sougo slowly removed his hand as he sighed. "Im not sure if i want to kill you or rather see you suffer like this, either way is fine though.. but on a serious note Hijikata... what are you goin to do now?" he looked straight to behind Hijikata and the other male turned to see that Gintoki and Tosshi walking back to their table. Hijikata frowned and stood up gathered his soda and left the cafeteria, now was he that obvious? well he was trying to give Gintoki a sign sometimes.. what did he do so far?

Ah right he once gave Gintoki a strawberry candy, the bastard started to tease him that he finally grew a heart and continued babbling, he got to embarrassed that he punched him in the jaw and stepped on the candy that he gave before stomping out the room, he was really awful at flirting.. what is flirting even?!

"This is indeed a good crepe! damn is this a new stand or some sort?" Gnintoki said as he shove mouthful of parfait. Tosshi giggled beside him and they started to chat, they all ate the crepe and Hijikata want to leave so badly, Kondo had not return from the bathroom, suddenly his thoughts were stopped as he saw Sougo stood up and looked at Gintoki.

"Boss, we still had a club activity right?"

"Ha? we do?"

Sougo gave Gintoki a look which motioned towards the twins and Gintoki immediately understood as he stood up "Oh yeah shit i forgot, lets go!"

Tosshi blinked as he looked at the two "What club activity?"

"Uh.. well the um.. S club!"

"There is a club like that? what does that club do?"

"Its something that is not suited for you, anyways boss lets go" Sougo grabbed Gintoki as they left the cafeteria.

"tch.. what a lame excuse" Hijikata sighed as he looked at his soda and then to Tosshi who did not say anything as well and just sat across him finishing his crepe, the silence was so unnerving that it started to bother Hijikata this silent treatment is the worse he sighed and he was about to leave when he heard Tosshi spoke.

"Im not ... giving up..."

"huh?"

"I said.. im not giving Gintoki up"

"..."

"I know you had done a lot and sacrificed a lot of things for me, and im always grateful for that, i would do anythin for you as well you know but.. this.. i apologize in advance Toshi-nii call me selfish but i aint going to give up Gintoki"

Hijikata looked at Tosshi and those bright blue eyes, this is the first time that he had stood up for something, he normally follow Hijikata around and do what he says and stays silent most of the time when its decision making, but now that determination and riding his usual catch phrase and formality that he sounded just like him, he was somewhat happy? that his brother is able to stood for himself at the same time sad that it had to be this way.

"Im not planning on interferin' on the both of you.. " he murmured and sighed as he pressed his face on his palm "Thats why im avoiding you two.. because.. i dont want to interfere, i want you two to be happy and it seems you are so im good with that, the two of you are important to me, i love you both but i dont want to choose either.. thats why, this is for the better. just forget what we argued about , take care ill be waiting for you at home " he stood up and reached out to pat Tosshi's head as he left the cafeteria.

"This is worse.. the two of them should just make it up seriously" Sougo said as he and Gintoki walked back to the classroom after leaving the two together. Gintoki shrugged as he sighed as he frowned.

"is that the first time they argued like that?"

"No"

"so they argued like that before?"

"No.. its not they argued 'like' that .. they never argued.. or got into a fight ever" Sougo tilted his head to the side a bit a he start to think "Yup never'

"Woah normally siblings are at each others throat .. especially twins i supposed"

"well, the two of them are completely one.. get my drift? they fill each others gap, they support each other, they have strong bond probably because they grew up in a pretty bad household"

"oh?"

"their mother left them, they grew up to a abusive father, Hijikata-san protecting Tosshi, and ended up stabbing his father, their elder brother found out whats happening took care of them but died when they are 14 so Hijikata-san the one working like crazy to feed both of them"

"i see.. if that the case then. i wonder what the reason of their fight, do you think its something big " he rubbed his chin as he frowned trying to thinking of possible reasons for the fight.

"... yeah i wonder what the reason is" Sougo gave him a side glance and Gintoki raised a brow at how the other was looking at him

"what?"

"i did not know you are that dense boss"

"ha? what do you mean by that? oi Okita-kun!"

"... you should have realized it by now.. the reason why they fought, you of all people should know, even though i wanted to torment Hijikata-san i think for this one its not my position to say anything ... ah its much better observing on the sidelines, well ill be going now" Sougo waved as he walked and Gintoki was left baffled as he looked at him

"cant you at least give me a clue'

"Did not take you for a gossip girl, boss"

"i wanna help the two idiots make up so throw a pinch of kindness to Gin-san here "

"very well.. now boss what do usually sibling fought for?"

Gintoki hummed as he looked at the other as he crossed his arms "stuff..like um probably who ate the last slice of pizza, or who touched things thats not them.. ugh i dont have siblings so i really cant relate although i always had Zura and Takasugi and we normally fight for trivial things like the last piece of mochi"

"mm.. almost there but you are missing the point boss among those examples there is one thing in common "

"huh?"

"Siblings usually fight when they want the same thing"


End file.
